The Fred Luo Beauty Contest
by Prettysammy007
Summary: This is chapter one, and I wrote some more, so yay!


**The Fred Luo Beauty Show, Contest… Whatever.**

By None Other than Prettysammy007 

Legal Crap :  I'd like to state that I don't own Outlaw Star, any of it's characters, or merchandise.  Wait, I have a Gene Starwind action figure that comes with a Melfina and a model of the Outlaw Star, but that's it!  I'd like a life-sized talking Fred Luo doll, but my friend Emmanuel would blow it to bits with a stick of dynamite or something.   

Commentary:  I started this story a LONG time ago, but in play format.  Finding this story on the _vast_ hard drive of my sister's computer, I decided to re-write this in normal format.  If you want me to send a play format to you, just e-mail me, then you can make a play and force all your friends into strange costumes. Should you do that, send me the pictures of you and your friends in the strange costumes.  Perform it in front of your parents, too.  You can confuse them, and they will give you whatever you want and stop hogging the TV all morning like mine do on weekends.

Fred Luo was sitting in his office as usual.  Depressed that his last attempt to get Gene Starwind's heart failed, the last few weeks he just watched TV and sipped on chocolate milk shakes.  After flipping through the 347 channels on his non-cable TV, he let out a big sigh.

"There's nothing good on TV anymore."  He said gloomily.  He settled on a channel with an announcement that Fred had just won a million Woolongs.  But he didn't care, being depressed as he was, Fred didn't care about anything except the blowing bubbles into the melted milk shake, which he did.   A crash and a yell came from the TV, and a commercial came on.

"WATCH THE BEAUTY CONTEST!  WHERE YOU CAN SEE PEOPLE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN MYSELF!  LIKE THEM!"  the ugly man on the commercial pointed to all the Vaseline-covered smiles of all the contestants.   "BE THERE, OR I WILL EAT YOUR FIRST BORN!"

"But what if we don't have kids?"  Fred asked himself.

"IF YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS, I'LL EAT YOOOU!"

"And if we're gay?"

"THEN STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MEEE!"

"I should go there and scare the scary guy."  Fred told himself thoughtfully.  "That ought to be fun.  I need something to lift me up after the Gene… incident."

Thinking of Gene made Fred depressed again.  Poor Fred.  He turned the TV off, and threw his shake out the window.  "Damn you Gene Starwind!"  he yelled.  "I'll get you one day!  I swear I will!"

(Saying 'I will get you.' Sounds like that Fred is going to kill Gene, ne?  Well, you can thank the poorly-dubbed, chidrenized anime for that!  Why won't they say 'kill'?  It's not like the kids aren't going to hear that word ever in their lives, unless they are Mormon…)

"Will you shut up!  I'm trying to eat here!"  a bum said.  He was licking the remains of the shake off of the sidewalk.  Fred let out another depressed sigh, sat back in his chair, and turned to the TV again, where there was a commercial for doggie biscuits.  

"There is _nothing_ on TV!"  Fred pounded his fist on the desk in front of him.  "I need Gene Starwind! I need a way to make him mine!"  he thought for a moment… then a wide smile spread across his face.

_=_=_=_

_What's he up to anyways? ¬¬;_

_=_=_=_

At Starwind & Hawking, Gene was fast asleep.  Of course he was, it was 3:30 in the morning.  He rolled over in his sleep as the back door of the shop slowly opened.  

"Where do you think he is?"  asked one man.

"In his room, you idiot."  Said another man quietly.  They searched around in the dark until they found Gene's bedroom.  Shining a flashlight around, they spotted a strand of red hair coming out from underneath the sheets.  One of the men lifted up the sheet, and flashed the light on Gene.

"Think that's him?"  he asked the other.

"The boss described him as,"  the other read the piece of paper.  "Red hair, scars on his face, and really good looking."

"That's him.  C'mon, help me pick him up."  He turned off the flashlight and picked up Gene by the arms. 

"Why do I get the feet?"

"It doesn't matter, let's go."  One of the men said.  The other reluctantly grabbed Gene's legs and lifted.  After trudging down the stairs and out the door, the two men carried Gene to the front of the store, where a car was waiting.

"Geez, what took you so long?  You were in there for a whole three minutes!"  Fred Luo peered out of the car.  Once he saw Gene, he blushed and began to giggle.  "He sleeps… with no shirt!  Oh, his body is _so_ hot!"  Fred smiled.  His bodyguards tried not to gag as they got into their designated seats.  "You drive, I want to sit in the back with _Gene…"_  Fred got out of the drivers seat and sat in the back next to the still sleeping Gene.

"To the office, boss?"  the guard in the passengers seat asked. 

"Yes, for operation… Get Gene Starwind Number Five!  I think it's five times…"  Fred thought.  He looked over at Gene, then back to the window to make sure that no one was watching.  "Now to… no.  I must resist temptation.  This plan is full-proof, and it will all be worth it in the end.  TO THE OFFICE!"

The next morning, Gene got up like every other day.  

Every other day but this one, that is.  He tried to move his feet, but they seemed to be glued to the floor.  He became fully awake and looked down.  Gene was ankle deep in dried cement, in what appeared to be a trophy cup.

"What the hell is going on?"  Gene asked out-loud.  

"Good morning, Gene Starwind."  A silhouette was leaning against a door frame.  "How do you like your _Trophy Shoes_?"  suddenly, thunder and lightning sounded and flashed.

"Fred!  I should have known better…"

"Of course you should have!  This is the fifth time I've tried capturing you love!"

"But why are you doing this?"  Gene asked in anger.

"Because,"  Fred said with a twinkle in his eye.  "I love you Gene Starwind."

"Like I already didn't know _that_."  Gene said. 

"Now you are stuck!"  Fred giggled.  "And now, I'm going to go and take a shower!"

"Wait!  You have to get me out of these Trophy Shoes!"  more thunder and lightning.  Fred groaned and opened the closet, where his two body guards were crammed in.

"I told you!  Only when I said it!"  Fred growled.  

"But.."  one of the body guards began.

"No buts!"  Fred yelled then looked over to Gene.  "Except for maybe his.  Now you two go clean or something."  He tossed a couple of pink, frilly aprons to his bodyguards and they left.  "Now that we are alone…"

"Fred!  Leave me the hell alone!"  Gene wailed.  Fred turned away.  

"Fine!  But let me ask you something :  Where are your 'friends' at a time like this?"

At Starwind and Hawking, the rest of the gang was sitting around the table eating breakfast.

"I wonder where Gene is?"  Melfina asked as she flipped an egg.

"Eh, he's probably sleeping."  Jim said.

"No he's not!"  Aisha stood up.  "I checked on him, and he wasn't there."

"Why would you check on him?"  Suzuka asked after taking a sip of tea.

"Every morning, I pounce on him to wake him up."  Said Aisha.  Everyone else just stared at Aisha.  "What?  He asked me to!  He told me his alarm clock didn't work!"

"Nice excuse Aisha."  Jim said.  "We all know that you like Gene."

"Huh?  What was that?"  Aisha was suddenly preoccupied in her video game.  Jim fell over, and Melfina placed the fried egg on Aisha's plate.  She glanced over at the egg and stuck the whole thing in her mouth, while the yolk dribbled down her chin.  Suddenly, a brick flew through the window, and a car sped off.  Everyone gasped in surprise, and stood up.  Melfina cautiously walked over to the brick surrounded by shattered glass, picked it up, and untied the note that was attached to it.

"A note?"  Melfina asked.  She unfolded it, while everyone but Aisha stood impatiently, waiting for the note to be read.

"'_We have Gene Starwind.  If you want to see him again, be at the abandoned Warehouse on Green Street tomorrow at 4:30 p.m. for a Beauty Show.  Whoever wins gets Gene.  Bring your thongs... that includes you, James.  I've seen your impressive collection, and I hope that you bring the pink feathered one._

_-Fred Luo_

P.S. I'll pay for the window.  I just wanted them to do that, because it seemed so cool!'

"What?"  Melfina gasped.

"Can we stop talking it italicized words, please?"  Suzuka asked.

"Sorry."  Melfina said.  She and Suzuka looked over to the blushing Jim.

"G-green street?"  he asked with a red face.  "There is no warehouse on Green street!"  said he as another brick went through another window pane.  Melfina read this one again.

"'Sorry.  I meant 135th street.  Y'know, next to the cheese store.

-Fred Luo

P.S. Jim, don't try to deny your thong collection.  Aisha and I have thong fights all the time while you are away.

"So that's why it was so messy…"  Jim concluded.  The two other girls just gave strange looks at Jim and Aisha, who was still playing her game.

=_=_=

Thong!

=_=_=

"Now my love…we're alone…" Fred moved in on Gene.

"Go away…" Gene cried, not noticing that Fred was centimeters from his face.

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to give into it, my flavored lollipop." Fred tapped Gene on the nose and smiled. "But, I think I'll wait until you're ready, it'll be more fun that way."

"Can I get some food? I'm starving!" Gene whined and Fred clapped his hands twice, having a whole array of food be carted in. 

"A feast for you!" Fred declared, "That is…if you marry me…"

"I'd rather eat my socks."  Gene said bluntly.

"Fine, no food for Gene."  Fred grinned and took a sandwich off the cart.  "Mmm, yum."  He teased.  Gene's stomach gave a pleading growl.

"Ugh..  feeling faint… going to die."  Gene acted.

"Nice try, Gene."

"No… my stomach… pain…"  Gene fell over and closed his eyes.

"Oh no!"  Fred rushed over to Gene.  "I shouldn't have teased you like you have teased me!  This kiss from my lips shall revive you!"  Fred proclaimed and went in for the kill.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"  Gene's eyes opened once he heard this and he screamed like a girly man.

"My silly man child!  You were faking it!"

"No!  My chocolate covered peanut!"  Gene screamed.

"Huh?"

"One fell off the cart."

"I like peanuts."  Fred commented.  
            "They're good."

"Know what kind of other nuts are good?  I'll give you a hint:  They start with an 'F', come in pairs, are really big, and come in a hot bag." Fred giggled.

"French burnt peanuts?"  Gene took a guess.

"…."  Fred turned away for a moment to check something out.  He let out a big sigh of relief, zipped up his pants, and turned back to Gene.  "Nope, thank the stars."

"Wait a minute…"  Gene thought really hard.  Fred gave him the icy stare of seduction, like Heero Yuy does to Duo.  Yum.  "Is it… oh.  …EWWWWWWWWW!!"

"Wow!  My love is sooo smart!"  Fred suddenly gained cat ears on his head and he glomped Gene.

"Where'd you get the ears?"  

"I dunno.  They just came."  He said as the cat ears twitched and disappeared.

=_=_=

That was very pointless… oh well.

=_=_=

"So what are we going to about this Gene thing?"  Melfina yelled.

Suzuka closed her eyes.  "I guess we'll have to enter the contest."  She said loudly over Jim, who was bitching at Aisha about the thongs.

"DON'T EVER LET FRED LUO PLAY WITH MY THONGS!  EVER!  AND DON'T YOU EVER GO INTO MY ROOM AGAIN!  DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

"Uh huh."  Aisha was playing her videogame again.  Jim grabbed it and flung it across the room.  

"NOW WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?!" he screamed.  Aisha began to cry.

 "My… videogame…"  she whispered.  Suddenly, she let out a big scream.  "That's it!  I now swear on my life that I will beat you in the beauty show!"

"Huh?"  Jim was confused.

"You heard me!  You have violated the Ctarl-Ctarl one too many times!  I will beat you in this contest for revenge and to restore the pride of my people!"

"I just tossed your videogame out of the way so you'd listen!  I did you more good than harm!"  Jim yelled.  "And besides, how does that violate the Ctarl-Ctarl?"

"I dunno, it just does."  Aisha folded her arms.  Melfina and Suzuka just stared.

"Have you ever thought that we were the only normal ones here?"  Suzuka asked.

"I guess… so."  Melfina stated as Jim and Aisha growled at each other.

=_=_=

What's with these things, anyways?

=_=_=

"I have to think fast!  How the hell am I going to get out of here?"  Gene asked himself.  "Think, dammit, think!"

"I'm still in the room, you know."  Fred commented.

"I could hop over to the window…"

"Helloo?"  

"No, it's a long way down.  Maybe I could convince one of his bodyguards to let me free."

"Are you ignoring me?"

"Maybe a bird will fly in, and I can tie a help message to its leg…"

"Fine, if you are going to ignore me…"  Fred got closer.  "Then I can give you a kiss!"

"Gah, dammit."  Gene turned to Fred.  "Hey, Fred?  Can I borrow some money so I can buy an escape helicopter?"

"Sure, lemme just…oh wait a minute!"  Fred stopped.  "You still owe me a LOT of money from before!"

"I'll pay you back when I make it big!"  Gene promised with a sweet smile.

"Ah, your smile always got to me.  Okay, here's three Woolongs.  Go buy yourself a better escape plan."  Fred grinned and Gene fell over the best that he could.  You have to remember:  he's in Trophy Shoes. (*crash flash*)

=_=_=

Insert Stupid Comment Here

=_=_=

"Oooh, what to wear?"  Aisha held up two hangers.  "Hey Jim, the one piece or the bikini?"

"Weren't you mad at me earlier?"  he asked while on the computer.

"…That's right!  GRRRRRRR!"  Aisha growled at Jim.  "But anyways, which one?"  she asked.  Jim fell over in his chair.  "Wow Jim, that's the second time you've fell over."

"And both of them were your fault!"  he said, picking himself up.  Aisha brushed that comment off and merrily went to her room, choosing to wear the one-piece.

"I'm not sure this will work!"  Melfina yelled from her room.

"Just come out."  Suzuka scolded.  Melfina came out of her room with a skimpy blue bikini.  Jim saw her reflection on his computer monitor and suddenly got a small nosebleed.

"It's too…"  Melfina began.

"Perfect."  Suzuka finished.  "You'll win for sure with this thing!  I don't think that Fred looks that great in a bikini…"  she pictured Fred in a small pink bikini and shuddered.  "Want me to go kill him?"

"Suzuka, do I have to get the charts again?"  Melfina pulled a chart out from nowhere.  "Killing = BAD.  If you kill, then it gets bloodstains on carpet, which is really hard to get out. You don't want someone to slave over a bloodstain, do you?"

"No,"  Suzuka growled.

"And…"

"Buying new carpet is expensive these days, especially for the people that I kill, because their carpet sometimes has to be special ordered."  She said with disappointment.

"Very good."  She threw the charts away.

"The time approaches!" Fred gave a victorious shout. "Bodyguards! I forget your names! Prepare the judges and my wardrobe!"

"J-judges? Wardrobe?"

"Yes, you idiots!  I want everything to be perfect when I win my Genie!" Fred giggled.  "And afterwards, since I would be his master, he could grant me three wishes…" he laughed.  The bodyguards let out a weak laugh and went to work on wardrobe and to get judges.  

"I'm not your Genie."  Gene stated simply.

"You will be when I win."  Fred laughed maniacally.  Gene shuddered.  He was hoping that Jim would pull out some of the best thongs so he would have at least a chance at winning the competition.

Continued in Chapter Two


End file.
